It is What it is Unless it Totally Isn’t.

Bonjour, my internet pals!


I am writing to you from a Best Western somewhere in the mountains of British Columbia. My dad asked me to take a motorcycle tour with him earlier this year, so we are cruising to the west coast and chasing the sun. It’s my first time on the back of a Harley, and man, it’s a trip. The journey is so much different on two wheels. Feeling the wind, the sudden drop in temperature, the sun beating on the leather, it’s….AGGGHHH! (I say that because there is no suitable adjective that comes to mind. It’s just AGGGHHH!) I’ve also noticed multiple strong odours, from pine trees and fresh water to tar and rotting carcass. It’s just tickling all of my senses and I’m a bit awestruck by the whole ordeal.

This week has been interesting. Tuesday was my first day of therapy. To be clear, it wasn’t my first trip around the block, but it WAS the first time that I was able to move through a session with more than a nod and the occasional grunt. My therapist is surprisingly personable and easy to get along with. I’m quite pleased because that is really all that’s important to me. I am not looking for Ann Landers; Just someone who will let to me chirp into their lobes for an hour and offer me suggestions and coping mechanisms. I know it’s weird, but I felt this sense of peace when I sat on her couch because I noticed that she was wearing hideous sandals. That shouldn’t matter, but it’s easier to cry in front of someone with strange footwear. She also splurges and buys the really good kleenex, so that is a plus.

All in all, I feel pretty hopeful. It’s like I’ve been walking uphill for so long that I could crack a walnut between my ass cheeks. It’s so nice to feel the pavement level out and my heartbeat slow to a comfortable pace. I’m not foolish enough to believe that this is the end of hardship, of numbness, but contentment is a glorious feeling and I will roll it up and smoke it before it dries up. How was your week? Talk about it here, or get at me on Facebook or Twitter. (Am I allowed to say “get at me?” It feels right. Fuck it.)

I will write soon, my cyber loves. Until next time, live, laugh, and love… or whatever it is that the wall decal in your neighbour’s house says.


P.S. I listened to Alanis Morissette’s greatest hits for 4 hours wearing leather chaps. I know. Take your time.

2 thoughts on “It is What it is Unless it Totally Isn’t.

  1. So I sat down today and read your entire blog. The fact that you are sharing your life and all its struggles in order to help others going through the same shit, with no filters, no censor, is pretty badass. I wish I were so brave. This makes me want to share my story too…although I’m not sure quite how to go about that yet. But thanks to you I feel a little less ashamed and a little more hopeful. So thank you for that 🙂 You’re not only a beautiful girl but a beautiful soul.
    PS a little Alanis is never a bad thing…or maybe such taste in music runs in the family…

    • I am so glad that reading this could give you even a little bit of peace. That’s exactly what I hoped to offer when I decided to put it all out there. I want you to know that I will be waiting to lend an ear whenever and however you are ready to share your story. You are so wonderful and I look up to you in more ways than you think. Thank you so much for taking the time to read it. It means the world to me.

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