Hindsight is 20/20.
That is the most annoying and inconvenient concept ever. I know it’s important, but everything that’s important is annoying and inconvenient. In becoming who we are, we feel compelled to face and take responsibility for who we’ve been. Think about it like this: You’re sitting there in the morning, eating your bacon or your grapefruit or, if you’re like me, pizza from the evening before. You’re sitting there, you’re reading the paper. (More than likely you are reading your Facebook feed.) Your eyes scroll past a name, a face, and you stop. You recall that name, that face. You remember what you said that day in November during your tenth grade English class. You recall that is was a terrible thing to say. In retrospect, the entire conversation was unnecessary and cruel. BAM! You are faced with a jaded, ugly version of yourself. This is A Christmas Carol, and you are Ebenezer Scrooge.
Maybe you can’t recall a moment like this. Maybe it’s possible that you have not wounded another, at least not enough to feel gripping remorse. I wouldn’t believe you if you said it, but if it is true, hats off to you. I can recall many of these moments, and I’m sure that there are many more than I can ever begin to remember or keep track of. Though I know that I am not the person I was when the words were spoken, it doesn’t change the fact that they rolled off of my tongue.
Now, when you’re trying to get right with yourself, when you’re trying to accept the world and the people in it for what it is and who they are, it means that you have to get right with ALL of it. I know that I can’t undo what’s been done, just like the people who hurt me can’t give back what’s been taken. It’s not ctrl alt del up in here. I’m not saying that the people I hurt lay weeping at night over the things I did, but I feel a little pang when I imagine that possibility. I guess I don’t want to give the impression that I’ve always been a peaceful, forgiving person, because it’s not true.
I was a total dickfart in some instances. And I could pass the buck by saying “The past is the past,” or “People change.” But I don’t feel like doing that. It doesn’t feel sincere, and I will never reach any of my goals without sincerity. So when I’m eating last night’s pizza and cruising Facebook, and I see that name, that face, I will apologize, because that’s what is honest and that is what is right. How the message is received does not concern me. I mean, I hope they don’t say “Fuck off and slide ass first down dick mountain,” or “Yeah, you were a MASSIVE douchebag.” But if they do, well, that’s the way that they feel. And they should feel whatever way they feel.
Anyway, I’m forgiving and seeking forgiveness. I don’t want the only mark I leave on people to be a skidmark from shitting on them. That’s not gonna jive with the year of change. What are you attacking this year? Find me here, Facebook or on Twitter. Let’s wheeze on the buffest, buuuuuddy! I promise I won’t be an asshole.
P.S: Cyber Hi-5 to anybody that knows which Elton song it is.