Why does it seem like all of us fucking hate each other? Girls, I mean.
Maybe it’s because we do, and that’s something that makes me gloomy. Yesterday while paying for gas, I awkwardly pulled up my jeans, joking that they kept falling down and that it was a problem. The young woman behind the till snorted and said “Pretty girls and their problems,” as she rolled her eyes. I looked down, stunned and embarrassed and said nothing, unwilling to entertain an argument that neither of us could win gracefully. However, I do have something to say to her, and even if she never stumbles across this post, I’ll be glad to have the weight of it off of my chest and out of my gut.
Dear Customer Service Representative,
I’ve thought a lot about what you said yesterday, and I want to tell you why it was unfair and unkind. I meant no harm by my comment, but it seemed to agitate you. Though I do not understand, I feel badly that you felt the need to backhand me with your response. There are a few things I want to clear up.
1. If a woman is “pretty,” it does not mean that her tribulations are any less painful than a woman you might not find as attractive. I’m not saying that my day is bleak and awful because my pants don’t fit, but you must understand that being pretty does not make one exempt from life’s struggles. Beautiful women still suffer broken homes, abusive relationships, poverty, addiction and every other rut one might find themselves stuck in.
2. Pretty is relative. I’ve been attracted to women big and small, short and tall, fair and dark. People often scoff at my list of celebrity crushes and say “Why her?” and it’s absolutely crazy to me that they could find her to be anything less than utterly iridescent. For myself, I’ve been called ugly too many times to keep track of. There has been more than a few times that I wasn’t “his type.” If I had let those people convince me that this was true, I would assume that I WAS hideous, and that would be strange since you just disputed that.
3. We don’t have to be homely as mud fences to be displeased with parts of ourselves that we find less than stellar. I’ll throw one of mine out there: I hate my body hair, because it is inconvenient and has caused many incidents of great embarrassment. I spend a stupid amount waxing it off every month for the simple reason that I’ve been told I look better without it (and I agree, obviously.) Though I wish we wouldn’t have to feel it at all, every one of us has the right to feel vulnerable and insecure; this is human nature.
4. Women have fought for years for equality, for unity and for integrity. We all slip up (especially me,) but if we divide ourselves based upon these external features that we don’t have control of, we are spitting in the faces of those who stepped up and earned these rights. Their sacrifice is one that I am grateful for every day, and I refuse to engage in making any woman feel small or ugly based on my own biased perspective any longer. I know I said above that we all have the right to feel insecure. What we DON’T have the right to do is allow our insecurities to blind us into projecting them onto other people.
We will have our differences, but let them be less about her nose job or her diet and instead about our behaviour and values. Let’s spend less time ridiculing other women and instead spend more time supporting and caring for one another. After all, there’s nobody who understands the major (and minor) struggles of being a woman quite like another woman. We come from different environments but we still fight and bleed for the right to a better tomorrow. We are no better and no worse, we just are.
PS. You are stunning, I’m appalled that anybody would have told you differently.